Anger in Marriage

Most conflict in marriage does not originate with anger itself. Anger comes from frustration and fear. Here is an insight of major importance. If we cannot deal with anger, it will be most difficult to solve any marital problem.

Anger can be greater than the problem in marriage which provoked anger. Anger may prevent husband and wife from having a rational conversation about any other problem. All problems should be openly discussed in marriage. To ignore problems changes nothing. It only guarantees that the frustration and disappointment will continue in the relationship.

Anger in some cases may lead to domestic violence. Then, the marriage has a greater problem, which is beyond reason often leading to irrational and dangerous behavior. Let us be clear, there is never an excuse for domestic violence.

Anger must be processed. Three steps are important in processing anger: Admit it; Express it; Understand it. It's important for us to admit to each other when we are angry. Suppressing anger brings no relief nor resolution. Confess it to your spouse. Express it in a rational way. Talk about when you were provoked to anger and why. Understand your anger. Understand the root cause of your anger. Remember, anger often originates with a specific fear or offense.

Admitting anger is being transparent with your spouse. Anger in itself is not wrong. It's a normal human emotion. Suppressed anger has a way of showing up in non-direct ways, leaving your spouse without a clue for such emotion. Productive conversation begins with a question: What has made you angry? That starts a conversation to resolve the real issue.

Listen to your spouse explain and express the real reason for the anger. Listen without becoming defensive. Allowing your spouse to fully explain the cause of anger will bring relief to the pent-up emotion, opening the way for a good conversation to resolve the core issue.